A Letter to my Fiancé

I have been meaning to write for so long now….. I really have. I am here now and I still feel blank but it is so important that I write a few lines.

This letter is for your my future fiancé.

How are you today, what was your day like. What have you been up to.

As for me, I am not sure I can sum up what I have been up to today in words. It would be easy to say I had a lazy day, but I didn’t. I stayed home all day but I didn’t get any rest. My thoughts are making me go crazy. So tired of trying to figure out how to manage ‘the things’ that matter. My wonderful job, family and love life.

But its gotten to the point where the quote below sums up my current dilemma……

One of the hardest part of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder

I will go to bed now. Maybe tomorrow will give me the fresh inspiration I need to write words with meanings.

Have a good night

Pax tecum…..


Letting go…

I’ve being in a dilemma for 2 days and counting, unsure of what to do with myself.

You see, I got a call at 4:35 a.m on Sunday morning that one of my best friends, my sister Susan was dead.
Nothing, absolutely nothing prepares you for the loss of someone so close, not even past deaths, I know this because I lost my Dad in 2003 and my younger sister in 1995.

So I thought I was covered, that I could actually let go; but how is that I still find myself wondering if this is all a dream or a sick joke or something else, just not death!!!
….Its too final. You see, I never got the chance to say good-bye to Susan, to tell her how much I loved her…

I keep asking myself how to move on, its so unfair that all the plans we have would end up not coming to pass. Who would fill in the gaps for me, who will comfort your mum…I remember nights when she wouldn’t let us go out because she wanted company, who will do this again…

Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this but celebrating your life at least I can move on, its what everyone says, so it might work.

I remember the first time I saw you, it was at Regina Pacis Girls College, you resumed late. I remember thinking ‘that has to be the skinniest kid I have ever seen’….fast forward to 2005, we fell into each other’s parts at the University of Abuja and hit it off quickly.

My Susan, my Susu. She has to be one of the kindest persons I have ever met and known. She had a solution for everything, she was stubborn but stubborn for life and wouldn’t let it be taken away from her.

This is why i’m still shocked at this news. I miss u my friend. You’ve left a vacuum so large that I wonder if it’ll ever go away.

To your loved ones, family and friends, Ada, Kene, Ifeoma,Joy, Memunant, Obi, its is my prayer that we all find the heart to move on, we’ve lost a rare gem but God really does know best

So I thank you God for everything, for the gift of Susu and like Damita Haddon sings, ‘everything belongs to you, our hearts, minds, soul and lives’. Do give us reason to believe this more than any and to come to terms with the fact that Susu’s gone.

To my beautiful friend, like mum said, you struggled for too long to enjoy life but you are resting now…Rest peacefully..
We love and miss you dearly IMG01737-20111119-0001Susan ‎​