Its been a while since I put stuff here, I have been playing brave, leaving it stuck inside my poor head, but no more :).
I left for Nigeria at the end of March to spend some time with my family and unfortunately my insecurities, doubts and drama followed suit :).
Its meant to be short stay (2weeks), however during a week and half I have managed to run into my old heartache, confront my fears and find out that they are still there.
The thing is, in Nigeria success is measured by how well you’ve played out the ‘script’. This script says, go to school, get a good job and get married: (that’s for a man), the woman’s script says get some education and get married possibly between the age of 21-28, however if you don’t get married, have a good job, good business, just be successful.
…When I was little, I had my life planned out. I was going to become a Barrister, be married at 22 and be through with child bearing by 30. I would have 2 kids within that time.
Well I am 25 now but the only status I have acquired is a Barrister, who’s still ‘tiringly’ single. I know all of the above sounds pathetic, I used to think so too, especially after I found out that some one I loved so much, (who told me that his reason for breaking up with me was because I was too good for him and that he has commitment issues, is getting married (pretty soon) to some one else).
So for 2days I sat and cried and was genuinely depressed. Simply because my scene was taking too long to be just perfect. I don’t have a Job or a man. But then I spoke with a friend of mine some minutes ago and she gave me a task to help me appreciate all I’ve got. She asked me to make a list of the things I feel I lack and do another list made up of things that I thank God for all the time. I have not done that yet, but I can honestly say that for the first time in days, I am actually excited. I can’t wait to start my list of ‘downs and ups’.
So if you are reading this and just maybe you feel like you have failed at achieving some label, society or you or your family has set, do join me. Draw up a list, starting with your ‘so called failures'(downs) and things that you are thankful for (ups), I bet it’d make a world of difference to you and me( I hope).
They say that there is a time for everything, I guess Its time to just sit back and appreciate what I have, believing that what’s mine is mine and it will get to me when the time is right.
I hope it works out